You can ask. What etiquette argues about is where and how. Four things do most of the work: name what the money is for, keep the ask off the invitation card, make giving take ten seconds (one link, one QR code), and thank people by name. On placement, the Emily Post Institute is blunt: "Don't include any registry or gift information on the wedding invitation or any of the enclosures" — instead, "let guests know by word of mouth and on your wedding website" (Emily Post Institute). On the ask itself, the same source says "cash presents are perfectly acceptable — as long as the guests feel comfortable with the idea," and adds that "there's no dictating to guests what they must give" (Emily Post Institute).
This piece is general information, not legal or tax advice, and it is US-anchored. Customs and money rules differ by country and change. Check with a professional about your own situation.
Why it feels awkward
A registry lets guests give a thing. Cash reads as a transfer. Good wording gives the money a purpose, and that turns a transfer back into a gift.
The Knot's 2025 Real Weddings Study, which combines a survey of nearly 17,000 US couples who married in 2024 with behaviour data from The Knot Registry, reports that "honeymoon funds, new home funds and round-trip airfare are the top three registered cash funds on The Knot Registry" (The Knot Worldwide).
Where the ask goes
- Not on the invitation card.
- A separate details card with your website address and a QR code. Emily Post's guidance above treats enclosures like the invitation, so this is common practice, not an endorsed rule.
- Your wedding website, on a page called "Registry" or "Gifts," with a line or two of context.
- Word of mouth through parents and the wedding party. Emily Post's channel, and the least pointed.
- A sign and QR code at the reception, for guests who would rather not carry an envelope.
10 lines you can copy
Short is kinder than elaborate. Pick one tone and stay in it.
Warm and plain
- "Your presence is the gift. If you would like to give something too, we are saving toward our first home — link on our website."
- "We have lived together for years and have all the plates we need. A little toward the honeymoon would mean a lot."
- "No gifts expected. If you would like to add to our honeymoon fund, there is a link below."
Light and playful
- "We already own two toasters. Money toward the flights would get more use."
- "Our flat is small and our honeymoon list is long. Gifts of any kind welcome; contributions especially."
- "A cheese board or a plane ticket — we will take either, but we would fly the second one."
Formal
- "The honour of your presence is all we ask. Should you wish to give, a contribution toward our new home would be gratefully received."
- "We have not registered for gifts. Guests who wish to mark the day may give toward our honeymoon on our website."
When the money has a job
- "We are putting everything toward a deposit on a flat in Leeds. Every gift goes into that one pot."
- "We are funding two weeks in Japan. The plan is on our website if you would like to cover a meal or a train."
More tones and lengths: our honeymoon fund wording examples.
The guests who cannot come
Etiquette authorities are not neutral here. Emily Post's position is that "every wedding invitation carries the obligation to give a gift" (Emily Post Institute). That is an attributed opinion about what a guest owes, not a line a couple should quote at anyone. Read it as a reason to make giving possible, never expected.
In practice the link lives in three places: the details card, the wedding website, and the foot of the thank-you note. Keep pressure language out: no suggested amounts, no countdown, no "still time to give."
One honest note about guests abroad. When a supporter's PayPal account sits in another country, PayPal adds a cross-border surcharge, and it comes out of your payout rather than theirs (Donairo pricing). Small on one gift; worth planning for if much of your list lives overseas.
The rails, compared
| Rail | How guests give | What it costs | Watch for |
|---|---|---|---|
| Cash at the reception | Envelope in a card box | Nothing to process | Someone must guard the box; absent guests are left out |
| A registry site's cash fund | Card payment on the registry page | A percentage on cash-out: Honeyfund 0% to a gift card or its own prepaid Mastercard, 2.2% to PayPal or Venmo, 3.5% + $0.59 to a bank; Zola 2.5% (Honeyfund, Zola, checked 16 September 2026) | On Honeyfund the payout route sets the fee; Zola lets couples pass theirs to guests |
| A Donairo page | Link or QR code, straight to your PayPal | 1% platform fee plus PayPal's processing fee for your country — in the US, 3.49% + $0.49 (pricing) | Not a registry: no item lists, no RSVP |
Fuller comparison: our honeymoon fund fees post.
A word on the money dance
The money dance, where guests give cash to the couple mid-reception, is a real tradition in Polish, Greek, Filipino, Nigerian and other communities. If your family keeps it, keep it a gift that is freely given. Donairo takes voluntary gifts only, so it cannot be used to sell dances, seats, plates or entries into a draw.
The money side, briefly
In the US, wedding gifts are generally not income to the person who receives them: "gross income does not include the value of property acquired by gift, bequest, devise, or inheritance" (26 U.S.C. §102). Gift tax, where it applies at all, is generally the giver's concern. The IRS states that "the donor is generally responsible for paying the gift tax" (IRS). Whether a payment counts as a gift depends on the facts, other countries differ, and none of this is advice about your case — ask a professional. Our piece on tips vs. donations walks the same line.
Thank-you notes for cash gifts
Name what the money did, not the amount.
- "Thank you for the card and your generous gift. It went straight into the Kyoto fund, and we thought of you on the train."
- "We were so sorry you could not be there. Your gift paid for the rehearsal dinner, and the photos are on their way to you."
Sources
- Emily Post Institute — Wedding Registry Etiquette (no registry or gift information on the invitation or enclosures; word of mouth and the wedding website)
- Emily Post Institute — Is It Okay to Ask for Money? (cash presents acceptable if guests are comfortable; no dictating what guests must give)
- Emily Post Institute — Destination Wedding Gifts (every wedding invitation carries the obligation to give a gift)
- The Knot Worldwide — 2025 Real Weddings Study press release (nearly 17,000 US couples married in 2024 plus The Knot Registry behaviour data; honeymoon funds, new home funds and round-trip airfare are the top three registered cash funds)
- Honeyfund — Fees (0% to a gift card or its own prepaid Mastercard, 2.2% to PayPal or Venmo, 3.5% + $0.59 to a bank; fees vary by payout method)
- Zola — How cash gifts and honeymoon funds work (2.5% transaction fee, payable by guests or absorbed by the couple)
- 26 U.S.C. §102 (gross income does not include the value of property acquired by gift)
- IRS — Frequently asked questions on gift taxes (the donor is generally responsible for paying the gift tax)
General information only — not legal or tax advice. Rules vary by country and change; verify and consult a professional.
